देव देव्हाऱ्यात नाही.....

        GOD has always been a complex issue for me. I consider myself a non-believer. I have my doubts and many unanswered questions about God. Over the years, I have searched for God and Godliness around me, but to no avail. And then i saw those pics. Maybe, i was looking in the wrong place. If that smile is not heavenly, nothing can come close.

        In my childhood, every evening, I used to stand praying before the Gods in our देव्हारा, say (not sing) 'शुभं करोती' and 'प्रारंभी विनंती' in full speed without feelings. More than भक्ती, it was my dad's frightening eyes which made me do that 'religiously'. But then i grew up and so did my rebel nature. Seeing dad abusing someone just after his pooja or knowing about some people who were very religious and very corrupt at the same time, took me away from god. Evening prayers stopped, visit to temples stopped. After marriage, since Aai shared the same views, my atheism got support. We never prayed or even lighted the diya in our देव्हारा. We broke our family's rules about eating nonveg on Monday or Sankasthi.
       Not being religious also led to not being superstitious. From a boy who used the same pilot pen throughout an exam for luck, i became a man who completely threw caution to the winds.
       If your Aai coming into life vindicated my stand about religion, your arrival changed it topsy-turvy.
         I think it all started with the cot in the bedroom. Its location was north-south since it was made. Your mother wanted some change. So i changed the cot's direction to east-west and in just a few months we got your news. That sowed the seeds of superstition in me.
         Your aai watched a serial 'Sai-Shraddha aur saburi' during her IVF treatment. It made her calm and filled her with positivity. I was a man who always cringed about the crowds at Shirdi, but now i want to take you there, just to say thanks. Not only that, i have made it a point to close my eyes everytime, i pass Saidham in kandivali.
         Once we revealed the news of the pregnancy, me, aai, aajoba, Mah-aaji and priya mavshi went on a temple tour to Saimandir in girgaum, Mahalaxmi temple and Siddhivinayak Mandir. I was not really interested, but tagged along. After your birth, we made that tour again. With you in our arms, I understood the significance of the tour.

          We also took you to Udyan ganesh in Shivaji park and Shitladevi mandir in Mahim. I am sure the Gods were definitely pleased to see you.  Soon, we will go to Goa and visit the temples there, especially Mangueshi.
            Just last Sunday, we had a Satnarayan puja at our home and it was your first. We made you Krishna yesterday and celebrated dahihandi. Now, i am looking forward to Ganpati.

           Visiting temples was still ok, but my superstitious nature was at another level. After your birth, for the first few nights, i woke up in the middle of the night to see if you were breathing properly. It became a norm for me to check out your breathing in the middle of the night.
            During your aai's IVF treatment, when she went for sonography, i used to stand outside with my fingers crossed. Sometimes, it used to take a long time and my fingers hurt, but i was doing it for you. I had also kept my fingers crossed throughout ht your delivery.
              I loved killing spiders in all nooks and corners, but did not kill a single one during the pregnancy period. I didn't want any curse of any spider to befall you.
            And then there is that yellow and green bag. I had carried it accidentally once to the IVF centre. I dont remember, what happened, but after that during every visit to the Ivf centre or during every visit to Pragati hospital or even during your delivery and now during visits to your pediatrician, that bag has always accompanied me.
            Having dahi or going to aaba's place to touch their feet and pray before their gods, before every visit to Ivf centre or Pragati hospital was a regular feature during treatment and pregnacy. It was more of a superstition than devotion.
            What did you change? Is it fear or worry or concern or devotion or superstition or anxiety or nervousness? I can sum it up in one word. It is called LOVE.
          

Woh pehli baar....

                            When was the last time you did something for the first time?
   There are many things you will do first time in your life and will remember them forever. But, there are many things you did first time in your life and I and Aai will remember them forever. Your first smile, first laughter, first rollover, first outing, first time in a hotel, everything is etched in our memory. But, last week was a week of many firsts.
             For years, I was the only victim of Aai's annual clothes shopping. For the first time, I got a partner to wait for hours outside the changing room. A cute little partner who behaved like a gentleman in the mall. It was your first timein a mall. The lights dazzled you and the sounds were unnerving. But, you, like your dadda were there with one mission only - aai's shopping. While we were waiting outside the changing room, I realised the value of being a father in a mall. Never before, so many beautiful faces had glanced at me. I hope your aai takes us shopping again.
               Sannah tai's birthday party was planned on Saturday. A get together at their place followed by a dinner at Status restaurant. As usual, we were supposed to by car. Swapna mavshi and Sanveda tai were going to tag along. But, google maps had other ideas. 2 blockages due to accidents and suddenly the time to Mahim was 1 hour and 20 minutes. Some contemplation and deliberations later, we decided to travel to Mahim by train. Aai told our decision to Swapna mavshi and she decided to go on her own. We got you ready and while going to station, stopped at Aaba's place to tell them our decision who were shell shocked. Aaji's face was worth watching.
                 It was a Bhayander to Churchgate fast train. We took you by second class. It was quite empty and we got to sit quite comfortably. You were completely in awe. Wide-eyed, you were looking around, watching everything. The handles, the seats, the windows, the people, everything was new for you. The breeze blowing on your face did its work to perfection and you were asleep by Andheri. You did not wake up even during the changeover at Bandra or when we got down at Mahim. Nothing special for you, but for me, it brought back the memories of my childhood when we did not own a car and train travel to Santacruz during Bhaubeej and to Dombivali during Ganpati was the most anticipated event. Have i already started seeing my childhood in yours?
               One day, you will travel in a train regularly and you will walk all the way to the station or sometimes run to reach on time. Walking and running is still some time away, but u crawled for the first time. And now, just in a few days, you are an expert. And for us, it has become a nightmare. You crawl all the way under the chairs in the corner of the room, or sometimes to the sandals near the shoestand. You have taken a special liking to Aai's slippers as well.
                If saving you from colliding with things is a nightmare, then saving you from falling from bed is a herculean task. You now can easily crawl and climb over the pillows we put on the edges for protection.
               You have also learnt to hold to support and stand. You can now easily pick up things from the bedroom's window sill. In the living room, you actually stood up using the sofa as support and then proceeded to tear up the newspaper on the sofa.
            Talking about first time, you now can sit perfectly and Jayshree mavshi actually bathes you with you in a sitting position.
                 It was also the first time that Dadda took you for vaccination alone. It was the first time Aai missed your doctor's appointment due to school. (I had missed the last vaccination).
                 Not exactly the first, but yesterday, we celebrated your 7th month birthday and due to our busy schedules, the cake was cut at 10.00 pm. That was a first. You were barely awake.
                  There will be a first crush, a first girlfriend, a first heartbreak, a first stage performance, a first big achievement and maybe a first failure. You will make your own 'first time' memories. And while you are busy doing that, me and Aai will be busy reminiscing those cute 'first time' moments when u 'crawled' all over our lives.