Doodh ka Karz

        27/5/2019 Monday

       When the nurse brought you out from the OT, and your mother was still inside getting her stitches, you were crying with hunger. The nurse asked to get a tin of lactogen. It was early morning. So Swapna mavshi and Sachin kaka had to go all the way to borivali to get it. U drinking those drops of lactogen was reminiscent of a young small new-born sparrow chick stretching its beak to get a morsel of food from her mother.
       Then come the moment your mother was waiting for. The first breast feeding. The making of a mother. And what an anti-climax that was. Doctor had already suggested that age and Ivf would lead to decreased breast milk. But, she would have never imagined that the moment of bliss will lead to days of agony. The nurse's painful experiment on her, the hospital's lactation specialist, Madhavi aatya and Swapna mavshi pitching in with their own experiences and the relentless Aajis (one thinking her daughter can produce 20 litres a day and the other thinking her daughter in law is a dried up well) was just a start. Whatsapp groups of breastfeeding moms, searches on internet, a home visit by Dr. Mugdha joshi, buying a breast pump was the pinnacle. Sulken faces, depression became a norm. It is fun to see the same lady waking up 4 times in a night to give you a comfort feed.
      Being unsure about the amount of breast milk you were getting along with your long spells of sleep which we did not want to disturb, it just went unnoticed that you were not getting enough milk. Extremely less urine, no poop was just a symptom of dehydration, which we were late to understand. You had become severely underweight, loosing muscle and looked shriveled. Doctor asked us to start with outside milk, and you started gaining weight. With weight and height, u were your dadda-aai's son. Who would have imagined that greenish-black gooey mass of your first shit will remain with us as a lasting memory of happiness. (I wish I would have preserved that nappy).
      Lactogen was a completely different experience. Starting with a vati and spoon, trying the vati directly, sipping on the 'bondla', graduating to spoon-shaped feeding bottles and finally settling on philips avent nipple feeding bottles, we did it all. Feeding bottles came with their whole team - the brushes, the washing liquid, the hot-water steel bottle and the sterilizer. Different positions, different timings, different quantities, it was a time of experimentation.
     Lactogen soon gave way to Nan-pro. I wanted you to have Nan-pro, since it had DHA. Now, that you are reading this, tell me if the DHA actually improved your IQ.
     Jayashree mavshi was eager to feed you liquidy foods, but we wanted Dr.Mistry to say yes. During your 5th month vaccination, he gave his nod. But, finalising a date was difficult, since i was busy with classes and we needed a 'shubh' divas as well.
     23rd May, 2019. Panchami. I was supposed to leave for lectures at 10.30. Your mother and Jayshree mavshi prepared the special dish. A thick liquid made of ground rice. Your mother even cleaned the devhara. After a small prayer, it was time. By sheer stroke of luck, Kakoja and Aaba were present to witness the event. Aaba held you in his arms and your mother fed you 'food' for the first time. Next day it was Moong water.
     There will be a time you will eat solid food and i will write about it too. There will be times, when we will have dinner at a restaurant. You will love some foods and hate some others and i will give you a piece of my mind for that. There will be a time, when you won't have time to have dinner with us. And this old man will be standing in a medical store to buy his medicines and will smile when i see the box of lactogen in the display window. The store owner wont understand. Noone will. It all started with those little drops of lactogen.

The day the world turned positive

   23/5/2019

   Exactly one year ago. It was 23/5/2018. The most important day of our life. We, especially your mother, had given a lot of examinations, answered some tough questions and now waiting for the results.
   I was the one trying to put a brave face. Holding your mother's hand, trying to boost up her morale in case of some untoward happening.
   She was not in a mood to listen to reason. Her eyes were hooked to the reception table's staff. She was waiting for a positive nod. Anything else and her heart would have shattered to smithereens.
 " मंगेश , ती हो म्हणते आहे. ती positive आहे म्हणते आहे." Her voice was trembling. She was looking at the reception staff, who was smiling and nodding her head. I wanted to be sure. We waited.
              "We are happy to announce that the HCG report of Pooja-Mangesh is positive". 
 The intercom blared these words. The world stood still. We couldn't move. Eyes welled with tears. Realization took time. We had done it. We cried. We hugged each other.Years of efforts have culminated to this moment. We had you. The HCG was positive

    HCG was positive in 2011 too. An unplanned pregnancy. A child I was not sure i wanted. Maybe, it understood. It was not visible in sonography. Doctors ruled it out as biochemical pregnancy.
     Years later, we decided it is time for a child. But that one we lost was holding grudges,maybe. We were not able to conceive, even after trying. We tried changing doctors. Neelima Bapat, Ranna Doshi, Ashok Mulgaonkar, Rajkumar Shah..... We tried every medical treatment in the book. From normal medicines to doing artificial insemination. I had to do just some semen analysis tests. But your mother went through a lot. Taking medicines, taking injections, the innumerable sonographies, the HSG, the hysteroscopy......
      And finally we decided to do just one cycle of IVF before we give up hope altogether. Some research and some window shopping later, we finalised Indira IVF centre. There, we met Dr. Kanika.
The journey had started and it was not an easy one, especially for your mother. The number of tablets was large. She went to school and on her way back went to the hospital to take injections....almost daily. One on the stomach and one on the buttock. It used to hurt, but she was determined. I remember applying Thrombofob ointment on the painful swellings. There were injection poke-marks all over stomach. But she was not concerned. It was you she wanted.
     There were more tests, a volume  enlargement hysteroscopy, a pick-up(on gudi padwa), a transplant (on 9th may). She endured it all, her body in pain, her heart full of hope. She had given answers to all questions life had asked of her. And today was the result.
           "We are happy to announce that the HCG report of Pooja-Mangesh is positive". 
The words still reverberate in our ears. We can never forget that moment. We had you. We finally had you.

नसतोस घरी तू जेव्हा ...

 14/5/2019 Tuesday

               When we were trying for a child, but with no avail, I had resorted to reverse psychology. I had convinced myself that my life is a very happy one and I do not feel the need of a child in my life. I am going to enjoy my life, do whatever I want, roam around the world.....
                And then you happened. And my world turned topsy turvy. The first month, when you were at home, i tried to be at your side always. And with all my reservations, i stayed at Mahim for almost 2 months, just to be with you. Going to work when you are awake is the most heart-wrenching thing I have ever done. Crowded trains were not a concern for me, as I was returning home to see you.
               That day, when your mother told me that both of you are going to Swapna mavshi's place for 3 days, something just broke in me. I put up a brave face for your mother's sake, but just couldn't come to terms with the situation.
               That morning when i went for work, you were fast asleep. Wanted to kiss u, hold u. But couldn't risk waking u up. Travelling to andheri in my taxi, everything outside seemed foggy, or maybe something in my eyes. Thank God, the day was long. Took lectures from 7 in the morning till 8 in the night. The train was crowded today or maybe just i felt it. Reached Dahisar, walked all the way home. Opened the door.....
                'Daddachi Gompuli aahe ka?' Noone smiled back. Ur things were not there. Ur bed on the floor, ur bottles, ur nan-pro, ur clothes, ur toys. The house was empty. Something in me was empty.
Can't write any further. The screen is too foggy or maybe something in my eyes.

Mother's day

12/5/2019 Sunday

      She had waited a lot. 8 years to be precise. Disappointments every month. Years of tears. Various kinds of treatments, her body facing the trials and tribulations of medicines, injections, tests and surgeries. She endured all the pain just for one reason .....YOU.
       And then you came into her life, made her a mother, made her happy. Her life changed completely. Her mornings started with you and nights ended with you. (Sometimes you did not allow the night to end by waking up n number of times). But, you were never a nuisance kid. You had set up your own routine and your mother followed it to the T. With a little help from me, jayashree mavshi, my and her parents, things were smooth for her.
        It was her first mother's day. First ever. The day she had yearned for. And you decided to give her a gift, she will never forget. Sunday was a busy day for me from 2 to 8.30. Jayashree mavshi went home before noon on Sundays. Her parents were at Mahim and mine were attending a wedding at Pune. It was just you and her all the way in the afteroon till night.
        And you decided to show a different side of yours. You were not ready to sleep or rest. You wanted to be carried around continuously. If she stopped or tried to sit or put you on the bed, you cried loudly. You were super cranky. She tried everything, but you were just in a wild mood that day. She was almost into tears. It was her worst nightmare.
        Hansa mavshi's arrival gave her some relief. Tai and aadyaa came later that evening (with all the european sweets). I returned home with a pastry and then we celebrated a day .... a day you had celebrated in your own unique way. A day your Mother will rememeber forever.

Dadda turns 40

            Your mother was ready. Candles, cake, et al. You were sleeping and we were watching TV. 11.58 pm. 2 minutes to go. And u started crying. u woke up. Probably to wish me. (actually u were just plain hungry, but wishful thinking is in our genes). The crying was loud. Ur mother wanted me to cut the cake. I wanted her to feed u first. There was chaos. Sparks were flying. Moods dimmed. The cheery night turned sombre.
             5 minutes later u were asleep. But u taught us a very important lesson. Henceforth, whatever we plan, however we plan, u will do things the way u like it. From now on, it is going to be all about u. 
             No problem junior. Lets do it. We will try to control ur life and u will try to disrupt ours. It is going to be fun. And i am going to note down every moment here. 
             One fine day, we are going to sit together (maybe with ur kid) and read everything together and have a laugh together. Together is the key. Together.